Earlier this week, when I felt like there was no hope, no point, in fighting a corrupt family court system in my own battle, the Idaho Fathers’ Rights Movement page directed me to this story shared on the Minnesota Shared Parenting Action Group.
This story picked me up to realize that, regardless of anything, I have to stay strong and be there for my daughter and fight with every ounce I can give. I hope this can motivate other fathers as it did for me.
So here it is, New year’s Eve.
I’m all alone, I’ve been all alone for as long as I can remember.
My mom and dad divorced when I was only two, my memories of my dad are not very strong when I was young he would see me maybe once a month, I had overnights with him.
I remember when I was seven or eight, my mom said I wouldn’t be seeing my dad anymore. And I never did see him again until I was 16.
My mom had a child before me with another father, I thought of him as my brother. What I found interesting is that my brother always got to go see his dad every other week.
And he went on vacations with him in the summer and got to see him over Christmas time.
I wasn’t so lucky, my mom got married again when I was 8, he was divorced, and his kids would come stay with us every other week, the week that my brother was gone.
My mom and my new dad didn’t last very long about 2 years.
She had told me he would be my dad, but he was gone fast.
So were his kids, I had thought it would be nice to have kids around all the time but that didn’t last either.
My mom’s family didn’t really care for me too much, my mom would go see them and leave me at home, by myself.
I remember one year I asked her why can’t I come with you she said, you remind them of him and they didn’t like him.. she was of course talking about my father.
When I was 16, I was at the grocery store, a man kept looking at me and then he came up to me.. he asked me my name and then he said do you know who I am?
It was my dad.
He told me that not a day had gone by that he hadn’t thought about me, and that even though he hadn’t seen me in years he loved me very much and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me.
I just remember crying and hugging him, we were there in the aisle and I’m sure everyone was wondering what what’s happening.
He gave me his phone number and told me that I could call him whenever I wanted.
He actually gave me a ride back to my mom’s, she wasn’t home she had a new boyfriend.
The next morning I talked to her and I said I really want to get to know my dad, I met him last night and he doesn’t seem to be a bad person, he told me that he loves me and wants to see me.
She told me it was a mistake and I should not go see him.
The next night I did, I called him and we went to dinner.
He’d lived only about 5 miles away from me my whole life, and I never known him.
We got together several times over the next couple months and then one of my mom’s friends saw us together. She told my mom.
My mom was very angry.
The next night I told her I was going to spend the weekend with my dad, and I did.
Weekends turned into weeks and I actually started living with my dad by the time I was 17.
My mom went from being mad to not caring.
When I was 20 my father passed away of cancer, I was at the funeral, my mom was not.
I’ve been living in his house and his family said to me that they couldn’t afford to keep the house, but my grandmother who I started to get to know said I could come live with her.
I moved in with her, she actually helped pay for my college so I could finish up.
It wasn’t ideal, she was older and didn’t want me to be out very late at night and we argued every now and then but I knew she loved me.
3 years ago she passed away.
My uncle, my father’s brother still sees me many times every year, I live on my own, I thought I was going to get married next June.
I’m at my fiance 2 years ago, we had what I thought was a great relationship but I now know he never really cared for me, he was just using me as I had an apartment he could live in.
He’s been seeing someone else along with me the whole time.
I said goodbye to him last night.
I’m starting the new year fresh, I decided I’m going to go over to my uncle’s today and let him know how I feel and what I’ve been through.
I don’t even know who I am I have pieces of my mom who’s still around and never even checks in on me, I have pieces of my brother who I saw for a long time but also never sees me anymore, I miss my father I miss my grandmother, I don’t really feel like I fit in very well anyplace as I never really got to spend time and be a family with anyone.
I do think that had I started saying both my mom and dad equally it would have been easier for me. I know it would have been easier for my dad and my grandmother.
I don’t seem to be able to stay in a relationship more than two or three years, I’m always worried that someone’s going to leave me and they always do.
I know I need to go get help and try to figure things out but I think the best thing anyone can do for their child is spend time, as much as possible.
Make sure that your child knows that you’re there and your family’s there for them, no matter what.
It’s the part of me that I’ve never really had, I had it for a short time with my dad and a short time with my grandma but otherwise I’ve really never knew who was there for me.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense, it’s hard to encapsulate your life into a couple of sentences on a Facebook post but starting at 50-50 would have made a huge difference in my life, I know that much.